The Pain That Marks You
by Sirius1998
Summary: After Edward leaves in New Moon Bella goes into a more self harming depression. Can Edward bring her out in time? Bella's diary until Alice comes back. Then the story changes to present day. Has adult themes.
1. Resurface

**Hey everybody! Just wanted to say this story has been brewing in my mind for a while now, and I have decided to put it out for you to read. I am a newer writer and would appreciate it if you could give me some pointers. My chapters are short journal entries from Bella's POV in New Moon. I am writing it as he left her for 8 months or around 240 days. Thank You!**

**BPOV**

Day 14 since HE left:

Dear Diary,

I feel my life spiraling out of control, it has been two weeks since HE left me alone in the woods. My dad said that for the first week and a half I didn't say anything, and that I refused to eat. I have been "alive", if you could call it that, for three days and life is hell. I see HIM everywhere! It hurts to remember him or even think his name. I am starting to wish HE had just killed me.

I see HIM at school, at home, in my dreams, and places we never went together. Am I crazy? I feel as if I am. I can't sleep soundly, I wake up every hour screaming, even Charlie has stopped coming into my room to check on me. One question pops into my head every five minutes, "What did I do wrong?". Well off to school. Goodbye for now.


	2. Distraction

**Please leave positive and negative comments. I want to learn how to be a better writer/editor. I also want to say it all belongs to Stephanie Meyer, and I just changed the plot. **

Day 25 since HE left:

Dear Diary:

Things have gotten worse. I haven't slept without sleeping pills in ten days. I can't stop thinking of the pain bearing down on me, its like I'm in a small closet and the walls are caving in around me. HE said I would forget, but I ask "when?". I am terrified to forget, but I just want to be happy again.

Today Jessica invited me to a party at her older cousins house, and I said yes hoping the DISTRACTION would help. Time to go to work.


	3. The Party

**It all belongs to Stephanie Meyer! On to chapter three!**

Day 26 since HE left:

Dear Diary,

Its a miracle I slept without pills and I didn't have nightmares about HIM. Last night was really weird, Jessica gave me a couple of glasses of some kind of liquor and then we danced. I don't remember much else, but when I woke up I had a pounding headache. I think I found a way to forget HIM. I need to find more alcohol, and soon before the memories try to resurface around this headache.


	4. New Habit

**Hey guys! I was wondering if it would be better if I uploaded two or three journal entries at a time since they are so short. Please leave your thoughts. Stephanie Meyer owns it all!**

Day 35 since HE left:

Dear Diary,

The parties effects only lasted the day. After I woke up and the hangover subsided the pain came back worse than ever. Why can't I find any peace!? I raided Charlie's beer, but it didn't have enough kick. The memories only grew cloudy which is scarier than forgetting completely. I asked Jessica during school if she could get me some alcohol for the week, but she said no. She also said if I was looking to forget that I should try drugs. I just wanted the pain to go away so I asked where I could get some. She pointed me to Tony, and that is where I recieved my first drugs. I shall report back tomorrow to see if they work.

Day 36 since HE left:

Dear Diary,

It worked even better than the alcohol did! I tried some yesterday, and the effects still haven't worn off. Now the only place pain can get to me is in my dreams. I just hope the effects are long lasting. Well I have to go to work.


	5. Twist

**Ok everybody, I probably should have put this in the summary, but this is an out of character story. It is a plot I thought up, so yes maybe everything she does is not what the "real" Bella would do. **

**On another note the story is told in diary form until she gets to the cliff, but it will then be told normally. **

**Ok so do you guys like the short paragraph chapters, or do you want me to upload more than one or two entries at a time? **

**Stephanie Meyer wrote twilight!**

Day 63 since HE left:

Dear Diary,

Help! Around day 42 the drugs started to wear off, so I got the hardest stuff. Now even those don't suppress the horrible pain that has grown a hundred times worse from being beaten down so long. I feel that I am on fire, burning from the inside out. I realized I haven't really been eating, so I weighed myself today. I used to weigh about 125, and now I weigh 102 pounds.

Charlie has been yelling at me for not doing anything, and being pathetic over one guy. Today he came home from work, and he had three or four beers. He yelled for me to come downstairs, and when I did he hit me. He told me to have dinner ready when he got back, and stormed off. I am now making him his favorite fish fry so he won't get mad at me again. I don't even know what set him off. I have to go I think I heard his car!


End file.
